Here is The Comic Whisperer’s Top 10 Comic Book Movie Adaptations I’ve Tried To Push Out Of My Head:
10.) R.I.P.D. - Which stands for Really Is a Pathetic aDaptation. Arguably the love child of Men in Black and Ghostbusters, this film was terrible. It’s no mystery that Ryan Reynolds was involved. His acting is pathetic and you will see his earmark throughout this list. Looking through the internet it looks as though this bomb cost $130 million to make. This buddy cop meet supernatural thriller couldn’t even be resuscitated by The Big Lebowski himself Jeff Bridges.
9.) Batman Forever (1995) - Just saying the title makes my stomach churn. Those who saw the casting play out were somewhat hopeful when the Riddler was to be played by Jim Carry but were not thrilled at the casting of Val Kilmer as Batman and Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face. Then it was made even messier by the addition of the Boy Wonder. At the time it was a hit at the Box Office, but at the time it was all you had. The addition of the new Batman films has made Batman Forever a distant, but ugly, memory.
8.) Jonah Hex - I think many would put it closer to the top but I gave it top marks for makeup. The whole “skin across the mouth” thing was well done (although I confess that I still have no clue as to how one could end up like that and not take a scissors and just clip the darn thing). That being said, whoever decided to make this a film should get a hearty slap in the mouth. This old west bounty hunter deserves more than being made a joke of on film. Remember, this was fresh off the heels of Blade and Ghost Rider, so the studio was only too glad to give it the thumbs up. But with Josh Brolin not able to enunciate properly and the Director Jimmy Heyward seeing that doing this film was MUCH different than doing his Pixar films, it was terrible.
7.) Ghost Rider - I know, I know, I just said that the studios approved Jonah Hex on the heels of Ghost Rider BUT, even though a small box office bounty, Ghost Rider’s campy script and ridiculous villains places it on this list. I will admit that although I am a Nicholas Cage fan (for such hits as FACE OFF and LORD OF WAR) even he couldn’t salvage this film. This should be shown in a film class on how to have world class special effects and good actors and STILL be a bomb people want to forget.
6.) Trinity - Wait, isn’t that another Ryan Reynolds movie? Why, yes it is! I don’t think it’s a secret that Blade was an incredible film. I even give Blade II props for putting together a stellar cast, strong special effects, and a great storyline. But Trinity just made no sense from the beginning. It also has the distinction of being the first movie to prominently feature the made-up Esperanto language. All this on top of bringing in new people, killing off old ones, and Ryan Reynolds’ tired sarcastic monologues (yet, in all of Hollywood’s brilliance this chowderhead is cast as Green Lantern, which stank, and now Deadpool where his mouth may prove valuable). Although I haven’t seen it I understand that the DVD’s “extras” include a scene where Goyer the writer interviews Goyer the Director. It’s kind of like ramming your head into a wall but with less opportunity for reward.
5.) Green Lantern - By this point you must think that I have it out for Ryan Reynolds and, frankly, I do in a way. I’m not a big fan since his only acting consists of remarks that aren’t funny that he tries to make funny. There’s not much range to his acting. But, I’m not the only one who feels this way about the movie. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 26% green splotchy thing and it got a staggering 1.5 stars. (See? It’s not just me.) What with Ryan’s usual lines of sarcasm and the incredibly dull writing, this film took an awesome comic character and smashed it to pieces. I know Hal Jordan and you, sir, are no Hal Jordan. Add this to the list of garage sale fodder.
4.) Barb Wire - Many would like you to forget this movie based on a short lived comic series, especially Pamela Anderson who played the lead character. Being a huge Pamela Anderson fan, and not for her acting, I could see why she shouldn’t be counted on to pull this movie above it’s poor premise and “Casablanca-esque” writing. That being said, Pamela does have the “attributes” needed for the tight fit latex costumes that grace the super-heroines. This film however did not have the “attributes” needed to make it a good film. If you have a choice between watching this movie and jumping on broken glass weigh your options.
3.) Catwoman Watch how two terrible films effect one another...it’s kind of neat. Tim Burton and Michelle Pfeiffer (remember her? me neither) were given the thumbs up to make this film while the Batman franchise was all the rage. Unfortunately, the script for this movie was delivered the same day that Batman Forever premiered and it was mothballed (this is a classic case of cause and effect. you didn’t think you’d be learning physics today did you?) After years of bickering Halle Berry was cast as Catwoman and French visual effects supervisor Pitof was selected to make the film work. It didn’t. It earned Halle a Razzie and Pitof an early retirement.
2.) The Spirit (2008) - This was an epic failure on more than one front. First, the effects in this movie were nothing short of horrific. You could make better effects in your kitchen with a couple of eggs, some yarn, a paper clip and a pinch of oregano. Second, they took a huge success in Will Eisner’s character The Spirit and reduced it to burning rubble. If the name sounds familiar, yes, we are talking about THE Will Eisner who the prestigious Eisner Award is named after. They took his baby, not just anyone’s baby, HIS baby, and trashed it. It had unforgettably bizarre and disturbing acting from Scarlett Johansson and Samuel Jackson (who played the character “Octopus”). The height of the movie is when The Spirit is bound in a contraption resembling a dentist chair while Jackson in an SS type uniform drones on about death. That, in itself, pegs the gag-meter.
1.) Howard the Duck - How could this possibly be the worst comic adaptation? Easily. This was George Lucas’ baby after he stepped down as president of LucasFilm to focus on producing. He should have stayed as President and rested on his Star Wars fame. It’s a shame, really, as Howard the Duck is a great character that has come a long way since his introduction in Adventure into Fear in 1973. He has a certain style with his direct and cruel wit accompanied by his love of cigars. The problem is that the character in the film was nothing like that. He was amiable and lovable....NOT very Howard the Duck. There was also a sexual side, which was never in the comics, that became evident in the female duck whose nipples were evident on her rather large breasts throughout her scenes. I’m not lying, watch the film and you tell me. It was a brilliant idea gone astray and, if a movie is ever made again, I will deliberate between laying out the money for a ticket and laying the money on the floor and burning it.
Well, there you have it. The Comic Whisperer’s list of The Top 10 Comic Book Movie Adaptations I’ve Tried To Push Out Of My Head. Let me know if you have any additions or subtractions. No matter how you slice it Ryan Reynolds has to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment