A Public Service Announcement - Some Things Written In Comics Aren’t True

This is a Public Service Announcement from 
The Comic Whisperer.

Through years of reading and experimentation I have found that NOT all the things you read in comic books are true!  This probably comes as a surprise to all of you.  It’s OK, I was shocked as well.

True, there are some things in comic books that have been accepted as universal truths.  You know, the standard stuff:

• Be strong, ethical and true to yourself so you can serve as an example to others
• The good guys tend to win in the end
• Brains can beat brawn
• Work as well on your own as you do on a team
• Mutants and humans will never live together peacefully

They are valuable tidbits of truth to be taken to heart.

But, which of the time honored lessons taught by comic books are falsehoods?  They never make it obvious, so I had to learn for myself.  I did so by attempting some of the things I considered facts and, in some cases, paid a great physical price.

Since I am now fully recovered (and have full use of my hands again) I have compiled a list of things that comics teach that are NOT true (you’re welcome):

• It’s possible to reduce my body fat to 1% and look like a Greek god.
• Putting on a cape will keep me from plummeting 20 stories from a hotel window.
• I can breathe fine in a mask with no holes for the mouth and nose.
• Covering myself in random chemicals will give me super powers.
• Someone dressed as a bat will keep me from getting mugged in New York.
• I can walk into a police station dressed in flashy pajamas and get instant respect.
• Inhaling a gas of unknown content will activate my Inhuman gene.
• Setting myself ablaze gains me instant membership into the Invaders or the Fantastic 4.
• Shooting a bow and arrow in the middle of a crowded city is OK.

And

• I can taunt the police, get arrested, and easily break out of jail.

I sincerely hope that reading this will help you sort out the lies from the truth.  You owe me one.  

This was a public service announcement from 

The Comic Whisperer.

And please don’t write in asking me if any of this is true.  It is.  There’s a hotel chain that won’t let me stay in ANY of its locations anymore and I’m told the 10 people hit by arrows are recovering nicely.  OF COURSE IT’S NOT TRUE.

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