Questions That I REALLY Would Love To Have Answered

Let’s start by getting something out of the way; reading comic books forces you to turn your “Logic-Meter” off.  The fact that I have any questions goes against the whole point of comic books.  If I buy into the whole idea that a man can fly, can lift buildings, and is bullet-proof, I have no right to question anything else, right?  Wrong.

As geeks we have the right to choose whatever piece of fantasy we want and question it.  Call it a fringe benefit of geekdom.

“Out of this entire collection of logic defying pages and unrealistic fantasies I choose to pick just one fallacy, act as if it’s a fact, and question it.”

It’s my right as a nerd.

Come with me as I exercise my constitutionally guaranteed right to take an illogical situation and question it like it has a scientific basis in reality.

1.)  How do characters like Mr. Fantastic generate the money to finance things like the Baxter Building?

If I’ve missed the issues where Mr. Fantastic goes to work for the local Ice Cream Shoppe to earn a paycheck that allows him to finance expeditions to the negative zone, please tell me.

2.)  Do people like Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne have “selective IQ”?

If you need a detailed plan to defeat every member of the Justice League or the plans for creating and building “Anti-Transformer” armor, Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark can do it.  We’ve even seen the creation of Shark Repellant and a supremely intelligent AI systems like Jarvis from that same duo.  Yet, Tony can’t find a way to keep a lone piece of shrapnel from killing him and Bruce can’t figure out a way to keep the Joker locked up for more than 15 minutes at a time.  Odd.

3.)  In one storyline we see The Thing with two kids, both with the same rocky exterior as their old man.

How did he and his wife...I mean how big of an epidural did she...the kids appeared to be twins, how were they...I think you know where I’m going with this.  The whole act of consummation, and the 9 months following, were probably as difficult as me asking about it.

4.)  What really happened at the end of “The Killing Joke”?

Oh, right, like you know the answer.  (C’mon, just tell me, plllllleeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssseeeeeee!!!!)

5.)  Are there really any other superheroes necessary than Hulk and Zatanna?

Since everything she says backwards becomes a reality and it appears that nothing whatsoever can hurt Hulk, why doesn’t he just guard her as she casts spells?  Once she says, “syug dab eht fo dir teG” then, “kluH eht evlossiD”  There could just be a Zatanna series about how she is the ruler of a peaceful planet, then after 3 weeks it could be discontinued due to boredom, and that would be that.

6.)  What insurance companies would still be willing to insure Gotham, Metropolis, Star City, the Baxter Building, etc. after all this time?

What Civil War really should have been about was the insurance companies arguing about who would insure all of these places and what the deductibles would be.  Couldn’t you see them arguing about what wasn’t covered?  And, how overworked would the insurance adjusters be?

7.)    With few exceptions, such as Captain Marvel dying of cancer, why don’t we see more everyday issues plaguing the heroes and villains?

Why don’t we see Flash wearing a knee brace or having tendonitis?  How does Batman not have arthritis in his back by now?  Does a Green Lantern every need a ring resized?  Does Killer Croc ever get pruney skin because he’s in the water too long?  Why doesn't Namor ever get ‘swimmer’s ear’?  Shouldn’t Iron Man rust at some point?  Why doesn’t Spider-Man or Black Panther have problems breathing through their facemask?  

So, I get an overdose of gamma radiation, bitten by a radioactive spider, see my parents gunned down in front of me, or shot from an exploding planet and I don’t suffer the indignities of the human condition anymore?  Sign me up!

8.)  How many mutants are there and, for that matter, how many X-Men are there?

In the Marvel Universe it seems that, as a mutant, if you aren’t an X-Man or working for Magneto, you don’t exist.  I think if you eliminate everyone who is not an Avenger, a former Avenger, an X-Person, or in some way connected to X-People, there may only be 2 or 3 people left on earth.  I truly think that’s why Marvel was eventually forced to do AvX.  There was no-one else.

9.)  Is there really any logical explanation as to why Alan Scott (the old, old, old Green Lantern) had a ring that had no effect on wood?

I’ve read the explanation a couple of times and I am still baffled.  Is there a wood expert in the house?

Listen, I wasn’t hired for my good looks or my brains.  Frankly, I wasn’t hired at all, that’s why I run the place.

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Top 10 Best Dressed Comic Book Characters

I have often wondered how exactly a super hero character gets their outfit.  They often come out of nowhere just....dressed.  No nod to the tailor.  No credit given to the designer.  Nothing.  Oh, sure, you have your heroes like Iron Man who creates his own look and Spider-Man who designed his outfit initially and then had a symbiote design it for him.  But who designed Black Canary’s outfit or was it just that she only had fishnet stocking lying around along with a gymnastics outfit and she went with it?

There are some characters, though, that went to a designer.  They got decked out and really put things together to come up with a stylish look.  For men it’s a design that makes them look almost dapper and for women it’s one that doesn’t rely strictly on tight outfits and cleavage.

Here’s The Comic Whisperer’s Top 10 Best Dressed Comic Book Characters.  They are listed in no particular order.  They all look snappy.

10.)  Emma Frost:  Don’t get me wrong, I have seen some downright “Playboy-esque” drawings of Emma Frost, but I have also her drawn tastefully.  The all white look gives a VERY deceiving pure look, but I think it’s the cape that really pulls it together.  The suit allows her to run and be somewhat flexible, yet it’s airy and light for those times when it’s just too hot to fight bad guys.

9.)  Sebastian Shaw:  Another vaunted member of the Hellfire Club?  Yep, the Black King himself.  Sebastian always looks dapper, as do the other members of the Hellfire Club, with an outfit that commands respect.  As it turns out the white dangly thingy that hangs from his neck is also a great napkin for when Taco Bell forgets to put one in the bag.

8.)  The Phantom Stranger:  I’m not sure who dressed the Phantom Stranger but they did a bang-up job.  Where does one get an outfit in, well, wherever the Phantom Stranger goes?  The thing that sets him apart is that he is one of the few who wears such a stylish hat that matches the cape and outfit.  He also has the confidence to wear the white gloves and dookie rope necklace.  I think this leads to the age old question, “Does the Phantom Stranger suffer from hat head?”

7.)  The Joker:  Say what you will about his insanity and his need to kill any Robin that Batman can come up with, the guy can dress.  Check out the purple and green and red and how they tie together.  Stepping it up with a bowtie the Joker knows how to impress the ladies...or at least Harley Quinn.  My question was always, “Is he white all over?”.  Maybe he’s even hiding a tattoo.  If you really want to make a fortune you should look into being his cosmetics and hair dye salesperson.

6.)  Wonder Woman:  Say what you will about her outfit being revealing or tight but my focus is on the color combination and overall design.  The eagle, the blue with white stars, the yellow lasso, the red top, it’s all perfectly matched.  The boots are just high enough to guard against prickers and resist burrs, and yet they don’t cover the knees reducing flexibility.  She wears a beautiful tiara that pulls the outfit together and keeps her hair at a modest, yet playful, length.  When all the superheroes go to the pool after a hot day crimefighting all Diana needs to do is shed a couple of things and she’s ready for a swim!

5.)  Nick Fury:  Sporting all black, Nick Fury brings style to SHIELD.  Not only does he wear it well, but the black body-length leather jacket really give it that badass feel.  Not only does it give the look of a “cape” like a real superhero, but he could wear almost any accessory because anything goes with black.  The eyepatch adds a nice touch almost like a tiara that was too large and fell down his face crooked.  If he went to a formal affair I would suggest switching to a red eyepatch and adding a red cummerbund.

4.)  Zatanna:  Again, although I had seen many very revealing pictures of Zatanna, she is an extremely well dressed hero.  The fact that she is a stage performer probably accounts for the whole “tuxedo-esque” look.  Sporting the Black Canary fishnet stockings I would imagine this leaves her very flexible should a well placed kick be needed.  Also, if she should ever need to go to a formal occasion after banishing some demon to a nether realm all she needs to do is slip on black pants and she’s good to go.  My guess is that she doesn’t need a tailor, she just says the words, “ecin kool em ekaM”.  Wish I could do that.

3.)  Professor X:  9 times out of 10 Professor X is dressed very smart with a full suit and tie and sometimes even a vest that matches.  Even when he’s not wearing a suit he is still business casual.  I’m not sure how he does it every day.  Does someone dress him or does he do the old “Mental Dressing” trick when no one is looking.  One thing I can tell you is that men cannot pick their own ties so I’m thinking Moira did it for him.

2.)  Iron Man:  With armor for just about every occasion Iron Man is styling all the time.  This is a twofer as Tony Stark is also smiling and styling in every panel.  I’ve wondered how he cleans the inside of his armor after a sweaty battle or what happens if he vomits in his helmet after a high speed plunge.  Is there an “Armor Dry Cleaner” at Stark Industries?  I also have to ask how long his money will last.  Sure he’s rich, but 30 suits of armor, Jarvis constantly running, the huge tower,  Pepper’s constant shopping and his own bar bill has to put a dent in those billions.  I’ll never know.  I wonder if he has a missing son who looks like me?

1.)  Doctor Doom:  Could there be any doubt he’d make the list?  The Monarch of Latveria really knows how to dress.  I can’t help but think that Latveria has one heck of a tailor shop unless he just has the Doombots make stuff for him.  The silver of his armor and the maple leaf green cape with hood really go well together.  He really pulls off the large brown leather belt (which is strictly to hold his gun holster because it sure doesn’t hold his iron knickers up) with the enormous buckle.  It gives him a swashbuckler feel (no play on words intended) By the time you throw in the gold of the cape clip you have a Tryant dressed to the nines.  Who else wears a hood quite so majestically?   The only question I have is does he have a little trapdoor in the back for when he has to go potty?

Well, that ends the list.  Sure there are characters that probably could have made the list that didn’t.  It’s no surprise, however, that despite all of Hank Pym’s different outfits he still didn’t make the list.  He needs Janet to do his shopping for him.  However, seeing her outfits, she may need a persona shopper of her own.  Perhaps we will address the worst dressed characters in the future, I think that would be fun.

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The Top 10 Supernatural Characters in all of Comicdom

Supernatural covers quite a bit of ground.  It includes the magical, the mystical, the possessed, spawns of hell, and any other creatures powered by or able to funnel the forces of the supernatural.  This, as stated, covers quite a bit of ground and my funneling it down may not agree with how you would funnel it down.  So, let’s agree to agree/disagree.

After taking much time to contemplate, and at considerable personal risk, here is The Comic Whisperer’s Top 10 Supernatural Characters in all of Comicdom.  The list is in no particular order.

10.)  HellBoy  Watched the movie, have many of the comics, and loved them all.  Sure, he’s not a wizard but he is, undoubtedly, surrounded by things considered supernatural.  He’s fought demons, he’s grown horns then cut them off, he lives with a man-fish-type-thingy, and he loves cats.  Let’s face it he’s magical, mystical and, arguably, a spawn of hell.

9.)  Doctor Strange  A former surgeon who loved no one more than himself turned Sorcerer Supreme (or former Sorcerer Supreme, depending on who is writing it and the time you read it) trying to love everyone more than himself, Doctor Strange is a popular character.  Trained by the Ancient One and holder of the Eye of Agamotto, Doctor Strange has been a member of the New Avengers, Defenders, Midnight sons and the Illuminati.  Accompanied by his trusty sidekick, Wong, there may be none more powerful.

8.)  The Phantom Stranger  Although various stories of his origin exist he seems to be a sinner who was caught and is paying for said sins.  It has been said that for each good deed he does he loses a link off of the necklace he wears (subject to change without notice).  His power set is never clearly defined but his goal appears to be fighting those things supernatural and occult.  Besides all of this he dresses spiffy sporting a lovely cape and matching hat.

7.)  Daimon Hellstrom  Would any list dealing with the supernatural be complete without the Son of Satan himself, Daimon Hellstrom?  Whether he is friend or foe depends on the comic you pick up and who the writer is.  He has been a member of several teams including the Defenders and Midnight Sons and was one-time candidate for Sorcerer Supreme.  No matter how you slice it the tattoo on his chest is awesome...on him.  I don’t know how you’d look in one.

6.)  Dr. Fate  While he abbreviates “Doctor”, Doctor Strange does not.  Clearly this is to create a dividing line between the two making them complete opposites. (suppressed grin)  Dr. Fate is one of a succession of sorcerers all having the common denominator of wearing the yellow helm.  Originating in More Fun Comics #55 he is the lingering spirit of Nabu the Wise who was released by a couple of archaeologists.   The most recent series of comics featuring Dr. Fate was in 2015 with the “Nabu-host” being an Egyptian-American med student named Khalid Nassour.

5.)  John Constantine  On a limited list of 10 characters, out of the dozens of supernatural characters available, John Constantine is an obvious choice.  John is the star of Vertigo’s longest running series, Hellblazer, and quite an adept sorcerer.  John has mentored Zatanna, smokes like a chimney with his hellfire lighter, and he will aid anyone with a sob story.  He has had his own series called Constantine and is a key member of Justice League Dark.

4.)  Brother Voodoo  Depending on who you ask Brother Voodoo, alias Jericho Drumm, is the current Sorcerer Supreme.  It’s a super long story but he is chosen by Doctor Strange to be his successor with the help of the Eye of Agamotto.  Brother Voodoo eventually battles Agamotto himself and appears to sacrifice himself in an effort to destroy him and the eye.  He is resurrected by Doctor Strange in the AXIS series and possesses the Scarlett Witch to “reinvert” reality.  On top of all that he has that really cool stick with which to funnel his juju.

3.)  Zatanna  Zatanna appears to be the total package.  Outside of being drawn very well she is also, arguably, the strongest character in the universe.  In her original skill set she had unlimited power.  All she had to do was say what she wanted backward and it would happen.  So “enoyreve llik” would mean 'kill everyone' and everyone would be dead. (not sure if that would include her or not)  As her powers shifted over the years she went from this all powerful spell caster to just controlling the elements and some various and sundry things in-between.  She has been a member of the Justice League and now works primarily with Justice League Dark.  I still say for someone this powerful she should know that fishnet stockings are not the best crimefighting attire.  She must take tips from Black Canary.

2.)  Loki  It’s hard to pin Loki down history-wise.  In mythology he has a long storied history, but in comics it seems to be singular.  He is the adopted son of Odin and the half-brother to Thor.  He is also a shapeshifter and the demi-god of trickery.  Dormmamu once said that Loki’s power almost rivals his own and the Silver Surfer said that Loki has the power to decimate a planet.  If you watch the Avengers movie he also makes a nice plaything for the Hulk.

1.)  Doctor Doom  Some may say that this position belongs to someone more obvious like the Scarlett Witch, Circe (Wonder Woman’s sister), Eclipso (maybe the most powerful magic user in the DC Universe), Malekith, etc. but this is my list so the spot goes to Dr. Doom.  He may not use magic too often but he is among the most powerful human sorcerers.  His mother, Cynthia Von Doom, was a witch whose sorcery was kept secret by her husband, Victor’s father, Werner.  Doom’s genius is well known and aside from being a formidable villain he has also been asked to lend his genius to Beast, from the X-Men, after Decimation, and he was also asked by Spider-man to help save his Aunt May.  He is also the “God” in the new Secret Wars series by Marvel.  Friend or foe, Doom is an awesome character who deserves the top spot on this list.

It’s unfair to reduce this to a Top 10 list.  Logic would say that you have characters you would pull from this list as well as characters you would add.  My son literally just walked by and said, “You could add more by separating them into heroes and villains.” and started rattling off characters.  Keep in mind that this isn’t an end-all-be-all list nor is it meant to be.  Feel free to concoct your own list and send it to me, I’d be glad to publish it.  Frankly, if you all agreed with me I would question your intelligence because I’m just not that bright.

CHALLENGE! CAN YOU SOLVE IT BEFORE WE DO An Idea That Should Be Revisited

DC had an idea that I love to this day and I feel it would have been HUGE if the internet was around to spread the idea.  Let’s revisit something that would go big if done today.

The idea was a series of comics called CHALLENGE:  CAN YOU SOLVE IT BEFORE WE CAN?

DC Challenge was a 12-issue comic book series produced by DC Comics from November 1985 - October 1986.  It was a round robin experiment in narrative.  The tagline was “Can you solve it before we can?”

I want to interject here real quick about when this came out.  In 1985 - 1986 I was in college and the internet was just in it’s infancy.  The fact is there really wasn’t one readily available.  The only thing one could do is send messages to people across seas.  I did it regularly.  The issue was that you could send a message but it could take hours or days to get a reply.  Because the login to the messaging site was so complicated, and there was no notification system that you got a message, people may never get back to you.  So, there really wasn’t a way for great ideas to spread quickly like they do today.  OK, now back to the story.

The series concept was conceived during the San Diego ComiCon in 1983 during a rooftop party.  The full story can be found in the editorial section of the first edition of CHALLENGE!

The idea was that each chapter, or comic, would be written by a different author and illustrated by a different artist.  Sounds simple right?  Just wait.  No consultation between authors and illustrators was allowed.  Further, each chapter would end in a seemingly impossible cliffhanger from which that chapter’s author had to have planned a feasible escape, and the name of the next chapter would be provided.  Authors could use any character or concept currently in the DC bullpen (at the time there were 50 years of characters to use) EXCEPT those whose appearance they were currently writing.  The last issue would then be a collaborative effort by six of the twelve writers.

Again, let me interject.  Think about this for a minute.  The first writer and artists probably had it easy.  Take some characters and go crazy with them by putting them into bizarre scenarios, and cook up a crazy cliffhanger, for the next team.  The next team then had approximately 30 days to come up with a “response” comic.  So, if you put yourself in the place of Team 2 you realize that they have to take what is given them, continue the storyline, then come up with their own twists and impossible cliffhanger ending.  Imagine how difficult this really was.  You are served up whatever the team before you can imagine and then you have to create a story with a different set of characters to make a feasibly connected storyline.  Then, in the last issue, you had to tie all of the previous twists and turns together into a cohesive ending that made sense.  Yikes.  Personally I’d like to see that type of challenge again today.  It truly lived up to the tagline “Can you solve it before we can?” because nobody, including the writers and artists, knew how it would end until...well...the end.

I won’t lay out each chapter and who was in it but I do want to give a shout out to the writers and artists who were involved in the incredible undertaking:

The writers were Mark Evanier, Len Wein, Doug Moench, Paul Levitz, Mike W. Barr, Elliot S. Maggin, Paul Kupperberg, Gerry Conway, Roy Thomas, Dan Mishkin, Marv Wolfman and Cary Bates.

On the artist side you had Tom Mandrake, Ross Andru, Frank McLaughlin, Steve Lightle, Stan Woch, Jan Duursema, Luke McDonnell, Denys Cowan, Dan Spiegle, Keith Giffen, Curt Swan, Terry Austin, Don Heck, Rick Hoberg, Dick Giordano, Gene Colan, Bob Smith, Chuck Patton, Mike DeCarlo, Carmine Infantino, Gil Kane, Klaus Janson, Dave Gibbons, Mike Farmer, Dan Jurgens and Joe Staton.

The featured characters involved a HUGE lineup and dug DEEP into the DC vault.  The characters were Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Adam Strange, Riddler, B’wana Beast, Jonah Hex, Congorilla, Hawkwoman, Aquaman, Viking Prince, Hawkman, Martian Manhunter, Zatanna, Detective Chimp, Jimmy Olsen, Doctor Fate, Captain Comet, Captain Marvel, Uncle Sam, Blackhawks, Silent Knight, Deadman, Mister Mxyzptlk, Plastic Man, Woozy Winks, Orion, Enemy Ace, Lightly, Joker, Geo-Force, Metron, Son of Vulcan, Guradians of Oa, Tomar Re, Arisia, Vigilante, Phantom Stranger, Darkseid, Desaad, Green Lantern, Flash, Elongated Man, Vixen, Vibe, Firestorm, Spectre and Perry White.

Here are the covers from 1 - 12.

 

 

 

 

 

All total there were 12 writers, 26 Artists, and 48 characters.  When has a 12 issue series had that many writers, artists and characters?  If you haven’t read them, do so, they are a masterpiece of art and writing.

Dick Giordano was the original editor of the series but turned the job over to Robert Greenberger before the first issue was published.

My argument here is that in this day and age of social media and the internet a collaboration like this would have received much more fanfare, and a much higher distribution, than it did back then.  Perhaps it’s time that DC take a look back at projects like this and reissue them so that the fans of today can enjoy them and give the writers and artists the credit they deserve for such an undertaking.

A special thanks to Wikipedia for the backstory, along with the editorial page in issue 1 of Challenge!