The Top 13 Superhero Vehicles

Throughout all the movies and TV shows we get a great deal of exposure to the superheroes and the cities they live in.  What we don’t always get to appreciate is what gets them from point A to point B...their vehicles.  I have to admit, with the low salaries of some of these characters, or seemingly no income at all (where does Mr. Fantastic get the money for all that cool stuff?) I sometimes wonder how they can afford to build, gas-up, and insure these vehicles.  No matter how they do it, I confess that I want one of each.

I realize that I normally do Top 10 lists, but there are so many cool vehicles that I had to boost it to 13 (because the Batmobiles take up 3 spots).  I hope you enjoy them all.

Here is The Comic Whisperer’s Top 13 Superhero Vehicles.  The list is in no particular order.

13.)  SR-71 Blackbird:  Yes, the baby bird that takes the X-Men wherever they want to go.  Especially if they want to get there in a hurry, unseen, and looking stylish.  With all the right looks for a mutant world saving mission or maybe just taking it for a spin the SR-71 rounds out the Top 13 list.

12.)  The SHIELD Helicarrier:  One of the scenes that really blew me away in Captain America:  The Winter Soldier was when they were showing off the Helicarriers.  Absolutely amazing computer generated graphics.  I have to admit, I don’t own a pilot’s license nor do I know anyone who does, but this would be cool to have even just to drive you car on and do donuts in the clouds.  But I digress.  This floating fortress is the size of my hometown and has the capacity to carry most of an army, or kind-of contain the Hulk.  The best part?  You never have to worry about having a flat tire.

11.)  The Punisher’s GTO:  For readers 30 and below this car may not mean a great deal to you.  Let me assure you, however, that this is one of the all time classic muscle cars.  It has the loud, rumbling engine, rear wheel drive and a staggering 10 miles to the gallon.  This car with the killer paint job, and a Doomsday feel, makes this car #11 on the list.  My advice?  If the Punisher asks how you voted, I’d tell him you thought it should be #1.  I’ll take the heat for you.

10.)  Ghostbuster ECTO - 1:  Loosely defined, the Ghostbusters are a true blue set of superheroes.    This 1959 Cadillac/ECTO-1 is a true icon in movie history and sports enough space to carry all that equipment and the backpack thingys that they use to catch ghosts.  I’d buy one of these in a heartbeat.

69.)  The Fantasticar:  This people mover has had many iterations with the most recent one being the best.  Featuring a photon accelerator and an ion generator for propulsion, three cockpits, a bullet proof exterior and, well, it can fly.  I will reserve my opinion of the cast, the movie, and pathetic storylines for another blog.

8.)  The Original Batmobile:  This list could be littered with Batmobiles alone.  I don’t know how many iterations there were of the Batmobile, but I can think of 5 off the top of my head.  Based around a Lincoln Futura Show Car, some of its lines are meant to look like a Mako Shark.  Tell me if I miss anything, but this car has lasers, rockets, a Batphone, radar, a Bat-tering Ram, a Batcomputer, a smoke emitter, a rear facing camera, a police beacon, two parachutes, a voice control Batmobile Relay Unit, and the Bat-Ray.  I wonder if they were options or if they came standard on this car.

7.)  The Tim Burton Batmobile:  Get used to these because this one won’t be the last Batmobile on the list.  It certainly helps to be a billionaire, doesn’t it Bruce?  This beauty has a fully functioning gas turbine, two Browning machine guns, a grappling hook, a Batdisc Ejector, smoke emitters, oil slick guns and bulletproof shielding.  Don’t forget about it’s ability to jettison it’s sides and become a Batmissle (or whatever it’s called, its got to be “Bat” something...)  I’m not sure if I should drive it or hang it on my wall.  This bad boy is a true work of art.

6.)  The Hellcycle:  This was one of the saving graces of the Ghost Rider movies.  Frankly, if the special effects weren’t so good these movies would have been complete garbage.  This tank of a bike is a 12 foot long half-bone, half-metal bike that looks good with or without the fire.  The ability of this bike goes beyond that of any Batmobile.  This baby can leap long distances and come out of nowhere, it can ride up buildings, bomb it over water, and stays lit the whole time.  The producer of Ghost Rider said, and I quote, the bike is “the epitome of how fun hell can be.”  

5.)  The Red Mist Mobile:  Largely overlooked in the vehicle category, just like the movie which was largely overlooked in the entertainment category, this car rocks.  This suped-up Mustang is looking slick...unlike the driver.  It’s got sat-nav, an iPhone hookup, mood lighting, a rear-view camera, and it’s got...well...the mist.  The ability to squirt water out of its bonnet had to be an add-on. The only drawback?  You have to stop every block and a half to fill up your gas tank and water for the mist which makes it a lousy getaway car.

4.)  The Herkimer Battle Jitney:  Who could forget this little number from Mystery Men?  It has a giant electro-nuclear magnet, and several tonnes of villainy-squashing awesomeness.  Honestly, this contraption is probably the most non-lethal thing on the road.  I’d bet against it in a fight against a Pinto.  Frankly, it looks like it doesn’t handle very well either, or corner, or parallel park and it’s probably got low trade-in value.

3.)  Captain Nemo’s Otto Mobile:  This ranks up there as my favorite car in this list.  Just look at the style and metalwork on this thing.  No, it doesn’t have the gadgets or ejector seats some of the others have, but it does have a trick up it’s tailpipe.  Nemo can track it remotely, allowing it to serve as the beacon he needs to fire his missiles accurately.  Actually, that’s pretty useless except for very rare scenarios, so forget I revealed that one.  My only question is how does that thing steer with four wheels up front?  Although it’s my favorite I’d need to take it for a test drive before I applied for financing.

2.)   The Black Beauty:  Remember this lovely little piece of mechanical death?  The Green Hornet invested in all the right gimmicks when he put together this beautiful car.  It has a GM Performance ZZ454 500 hp crate motor and Race Trans Turbo 400 manual valve body transmission.  I know it’s a fact but I have no clue if all of that is good or bad.  Weapons-wise there are mini-guns that pop out of the hood, it has suicide doors with 12-Guage AR-15 machine guns, an m2 flamethrower in the front grill, 12 front and rear stinger missiles, giant spikes that come out of the wheels, and all the bulletproofing one could want.  If it had a luggage rack to carry all of the dead bodies it would be perfect.

1.)  The Tumbler/The Batpod:  It hurts me to do so, but I have to add one more Batmobile.  This may be the best of them all.  A prototype military vehicle, this baby is meant to leap over otherwise unbridgeable gaps.  The designer said he was going for “a cross between a Lamborghini and a tank”.  If you think the Batpod is awesome you’ll love the Tumbler.  It can travel through office block corridors, flip around lampposts, and scoot up walls.  It’s a two-in-one deal that any self respecting male should have parked in his driveway.

This list is far from complete.  It left off goodies like the motorcycle that Wolverine took from Cyclops and the Optimus Prime tractor trailer truck.  In the end it’s all in what you like and what you would love sent to you as a birthday gift.

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Bruised Fruit...The Top 10 Good Characters That Went Bad (even if just for a little)

It happens occasionally, unless you’re Magneto where it happens all the time, heroes switch to villains or vice versa.  Even in the most recent Ant-Man movie (which I LOVED) you have to question whether Ant-Man is good or bad.  You know it’s true. You may think him the hero, but he was doing some underhanded stuff.  Cool underhanded stuff, but underhanded nonetheless.  We see him as the hero but you could argue he’s a little....questionable.  No matter how you look at Ant-Man there are those who made the switch completely.  This list looks at the bruised fruit of the batch.

The Comic Whisperer’s Top 10 Good Characters That Went Bad (even if just for a little).  This list is in no particular order:

10.)  Superboy Prime:  An obvious choice for the list.  Here was Beaver Cleaver that wound up picking up a cleaver.  You remember what happened.  He was trapped in a dimension with a couple of loved one but cracked under the pressure.  He supposedly hated how dark things were becoming earth wise but wound up turning dark himself.  He pushed planets out of orbit, killed heroes, junked the JLA Watchtower, and even started voting for the Democrats (no hate mail please, I dropped all the political parties in a hat and I drew the Democrats).  After that there was no stopping him.

9.)  Hal Jordan:  You can put Hal in the flip-flop category because although he killed untold numbers of people he’s back with the good guys now.  The interesting part of him turning evil was that he just snapped.  After recreating his beloved Coast City, without the express written consent of the Guardians, he just went berserk.  All was forgiven when he sacrificed his life to reignite the Earth’s Sun.  A pretty easy way to be forgiven if you ask me.  I could reignite the Sun....if I wanted to.

8.)  Jason Todd:  One of my favorite conversions, Jason Todd’s history is probably more to blame than anything for his “bruising”.  The reason for my love is that Jason never really fell over the line into true villainy.  True, he doesn’t mind killing, wreaking havoc, or other mischievous things, but he still can be considered on the hero side...kindof.  The most interesting thing about Jason Todd is that his Robin character was killed off not as a choice of the publisher but as a choice of the fans.  At one point DC had a number you could call to vote whether Jason’s Robin lived or died.  I don’t know how you do a “thumbs down” motion over the phone, but he got tons of ‘em.

7.)  Omni-Man:  Who?!?!  You know...Nolan Grayson!  The Viltrumite sent to protect the Earth.  (It seems like there are alot of races that think the Earth needs a single protector)  You might know him better for his son Mark, the hero Invincible.  In a soap opera like twist, Nolan revealed himself as actually playing for the enemy team and gave his son a near fatal beating.  Sure, Omni-Man played the Magneto role by fluctuating back and forth as hero and villain, but he was a turn-coat.  Thankfully his son Oliver liked him enough to become “Kid Omni-Man”.  Not a very catchy, or original, name.  He could have picked “Kid Bruised Fruit”...Nah.

6.)  The Plutonian:  Yes, a completely original, Superman-like, solo protector of Earth.  (They multiply like bunnies...yeesh)  The title Irredeemable pretty much says it all as this hero-turned-villain snaps because he feels under appreciated.  Oh, boo-hoo.  Join the club.  So, instead of just moping and going to bed early like most of us he kills dozens and sinks Singapore.  As of this writing he has yet to repent for his sins and still falls into the category of Irredeemable.

5.)  Jean Loring:  Everyone’s favorite whack job, Jean Loring went from the wife of a hero, to the ex-wife of a hero, to the killer of a pregnant wife of a hero.  That’s quite a transition.  I used this picture in a previous blog, but the artist truly captured her insanity with this one.  Not to add further unpleasantness, but she didn’t just shoot the Elongated Man’s wife, she shrunk down and caused a brain aneurysm in her.  She left no clues and drove the super hero investigators absolutely insane for dozens of pages.  She’s now at the Dark Phoenix Memorial Rehabilitation Center.

4.)  Terra (of The New Teen Titans):  Former semi-squeeze of Changeling, Terra turned out to be extremely powerful and extremely tight with Deathstroke.  She apparently was planted there from the start to be a mole in the organization.  Is it merely a coincidence that the “mole” was also the one that had control over the earth itself?  Hmmmm.  I don’t want to tell you how she died, but she was crushed by a building.

3.)  Jericho (also of The New Teen Titans):  Jericho was a bigger turn-coat as he actually saved the Titans THEN turned on them.  Now THAT is a way to be undercover and be convincing.  Save the group you are trying to destroy, then destroy them.   Jericho, it turns out, was Deathstroke’s son and was supposedly possessed by spirits.  Likely excuse.  He apparently was able to fight them off long enough for Deathstroke to kill him.  How’s that for a reward for fighting off your demons.  “Dad, I did it!  Ugh!”  (Ugh! is the sound someone makes when they die)  

2.)  Wolverine:  An obvious choice for the list, James Logan Howlett has fought against his own teammates on the X-Men a number of times.  It would seem like dozens of mind-wipes and reprogramming and having adamantium fused to his skeleton left him mentally fragile.  In his defense, he usually became a bad guy when he was brainwashed to do so.  He was possessed by demons in Hell, brainwashed by Apocalypse and the Horsemen, and even taken over by Hydra and the Hand.  This poor guy probably doesn’t know who he is anymore, well, and the fact that he died doesn’t help either.

1.)  Jean Grey:  I didn’t have this in any particular order but she has to be number one.  Starting off as an innocent girl in green and yellow (blue and yellow, black and yellow....whatever) she wound up as a planet swallowing bird made of flames.  It didn’t happen overnight.   Jean’s transformation took many forms and even looked like it may not happen thanks to Professor X and his mental “walls”.  Alas, Jean couldn’t handle all the power (like a long line of U.S. Presidents) and wound up losing control of her own reality.  This lack of control was nudged a little by the members of The Hellfire Club.  That Jason Wyngarde, the women love him.

A betting person would say that the line of characters changing from good to bad is not at it’s end yet.  It’s a twist, that if done properly, can make even the most ardent of collectors do a double take.  It’s also a reminder that heroes are only human.  They snap too.  They just have a little bit more power to play with than you and I do.

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Top 10 Best Dressed Comic Book Characters

I have often wondered how exactly a super hero character gets their outfit.  They often come out of nowhere just....dressed.  No nod to the tailor.  No credit given to the designer.  Nothing.  Oh, sure, you have your heroes like Iron Man who creates his own look and Spider-Man who designed his outfit initially and then had a symbiote design it for him.  But who designed Black Canary’s outfit or was it just that she only had fishnet stocking lying around along with a gymnastics outfit and she went with it?

There are some characters, though, that went to a designer.  They got decked out and really put things together to come up with a stylish look.  For men it’s a design that makes them look almost dapper and for women it’s one that doesn’t rely strictly on tight outfits and cleavage.

Here’s The Comic Whisperer’s Top 10 Best Dressed Comic Book Characters.  They are listed in no particular order.  They all look snappy.

10.)  Emma Frost:  Don’t get me wrong, I have seen some downright “Playboy-esque” drawings of Emma Frost, but I have also her drawn tastefully.  The all white look gives a VERY deceiving pure look, but I think it’s the cape that really pulls it together.  The suit allows her to run and be somewhat flexible, yet it’s airy and light for those times when it’s just too hot to fight bad guys.

9.)  Sebastian Shaw:  Another vaunted member of the Hellfire Club?  Yep, the Black King himself.  Sebastian always looks dapper, as do the other members of the Hellfire Club, with an outfit that commands respect.  As it turns out the white dangly thingy that hangs from his neck is also a great napkin for when Taco Bell forgets to put one in the bag.

8.)  The Phantom Stranger:  I’m not sure who dressed the Phantom Stranger but they did a bang-up job.  Where does one get an outfit in, well, wherever the Phantom Stranger goes?  The thing that sets him apart is that he is one of the few who wears such a stylish hat that matches the cape and outfit.  He also has the confidence to wear the white gloves and dookie rope necklace.  I think this leads to the age old question, “Does the Phantom Stranger suffer from hat head?”

7.)  The Joker:  Say what you will about his insanity and his need to kill any Robin that Batman can come up with, the guy can dress.  Check out the purple and green and red and how they tie together.  Stepping it up with a bowtie the Joker knows how to impress the ladies...or at least Harley Quinn.  My question was always, “Is he white all over?”.  Maybe he’s even hiding a tattoo.  If you really want to make a fortune you should look into being his cosmetics and hair dye salesperson.

6.)  Wonder Woman:  Say what you will about her outfit being revealing or tight but my focus is on the color combination and overall design.  The eagle, the blue with white stars, the yellow lasso, the red top, it’s all perfectly matched.  The boots are just high enough to guard against prickers and resist burrs, and yet they don’t cover the knees reducing flexibility.  She wears a beautiful tiara that pulls the outfit together and keeps her hair at a modest, yet playful, length.  When all the superheroes go to the pool after a hot day crimefighting all Diana needs to do is shed a couple of things and she’s ready for a swim!

5.)  Nick Fury:  Sporting all black, Nick Fury brings style to SHIELD.  Not only does he wear it well, but the black body-length leather jacket really give it that badass feel.  Not only does it give the look of a “cape” like a real superhero, but he could wear almost any accessory because anything goes with black.  The eyepatch adds a nice touch almost like a tiara that was too large and fell down his face crooked.  If he went to a formal affair I would suggest switching to a red eyepatch and adding a red cummerbund.

4.)  Zatanna:  Again, although I had seen many very revealing pictures of Zatanna, she is an extremely well dressed hero.  The fact that she is a stage performer probably accounts for the whole “tuxedo-esque” look.  Sporting the Black Canary fishnet stockings I would imagine this leaves her very flexible should a well placed kick be needed.  Also, if she should ever need to go to a formal occasion after banishing some demon to a nether realm all she needs to do is slip on black pants and she’s good to go.  My guess is that she doesn’t need a tailor, she just says the words, “ecin kool em ekaM”.  Wish I could do that.

3.)  Professor X:  9 times out of 10 Professor X is dressed very smart with a full suit and tie and sometimes even a vest that matches.  Even when he’s not wearing a suit he is still business casual.  I’m not sure how he does it every day.  Does someone dress him or does he do the old “Mental Dressing” trick when no one is looking.  One thing I can tell you is that men cannot pick their own ties so I’m thinking Moira did it for him.

2.)  Iron Man:  With armor for just about every occasion Iron Man is styling all the time.  This is a twofer as Tony Stark is also smiling and styling in every panel.  I’ve wondered how he cleans the inside of his armor after a sweaty battle or what happens if he vomits in his helmet after a high speed plunge.  Is there an “Armor Dry Cleaner” at Stark Industries?  I also have to ask how long his money will last.  Sure he’s rich, but 30 suits of armor, Jarvis constantly running, the huge tower,  Pepper’s constant shopping and his own bar bill has to put a dent in those billions.  I’ll never know.  I wonder if he has a missing son who looks like me?

1.)  Doctor Doom:  Could there be any doubt he’d make the list?  The Monarch of Latveria really knows how to dress.  I can’t help but think that Latveria has one heck of a tailor shop unless he just has the Doombots make stuff for him.  The silver of his armor and the maple leaf green cape with hood really go well together.  He really pulls off the large brown leather belt (which is strictly to hold his gun holster because it sure doesn’t hold his iron knickers up) with the enormous buckle.  It gives him a swashbuckler feel (no play on words intended) By the time you throw in the gold of the cape clip you have a Tryant dressed to the nines.  Who else wears a hood quite so majestically?   The only question I have is does he have a little trapdoor in the back for when he has to go potty?

Well, that ends the list.  Sure there are characters that probably could have made the list that didn’t.  It’s no surprise, however, that despite all of Hank Pym’s different outfits he still didn’t make the list.  He needs Janet to do his shopping for him.  However, seeing her outfits, she may need a persona shopper of her own.  Perhaps we will address the worst dressed characters in the future, I think that would be fun.

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To Kill Or Not To Kill, That Is The Question

I have to confess, I never grow tired of reading people’s opinions as to whether superheroes should or should not kill.  The biggest one, of course, is the eternal Batman vs. Joker argument.  Should he kill the Joker or shouldn’t he?  When one looks at comics like Injustice: Gods Among Us, did you rejoice that Superman finally did in the Joker or do you cringe that Superman went over the line?

I’d like to look at this issue not as a matter of strictly the Batman and the Joker, but as the overall issue in general.

So why write this now?

I read an article today that pushed me over the edge so I have to weigh in on the issue.  But first?  An image:

There, now that that’s out of the way...

I read an article where an ethics expert argues in favor of Batman killing the Joker.  It was one of the worst written arguments I have seen followed up by an even worse argument against the article. Should you wish to see an overview yourself, it can be found here:

http://scifimafia.com/2012/02/ethics-expert-argues-in-favor-of-batman-killing-the-joker-fails-to-understand-batmans-purpose/

I could go into why there really can’t be “Ethics Experts” in a world of greys or I could pontificate about how the author of this article, Brandon Johnston, is obviously not a comic book reader, but I won’t.  I’m a logical person and I would like to take this argument apart piece by piece.  You see it’s not an argument of whether heroes should or should not kill villains, it’s more than that.

Let me shine the light of logic and add my two cents:

Argument; A hero who kills is no better than a villain.  Heroes shouldn’t kill.

Hmmm, is that so Batman? YOU have an issue with killing a man?  Let’s take a look at your own past.  How about when you hung a mental patient from the Batplane?

Or how about the time you killed KGBeast by locking him a room and letting him starve to death?

Or how about the time you left a bunch of crooks inside a burning room to get some nookie?

As an aside, my favorite part is her quote (sorry it’s so blurry), “He doesn’t stop.  He doesn’t spare a one of them. Not a one.  Before I can even catch my breath they’re a bunch of bleeding burning heaps they are.  And God help me I am thunderstruck in love with the man.  The goddamn Batman.”  What great writing!

My Argument:  Heroes are mostly human and they do kill for reasons they feel are justified.  This is NOT a Joker vs. Batman issue, so stop pretending it is.  Here are some more heroes doing what they feel needs to be done.  You remember all of these moments, don’t you?

Next argument; No one has the right to take a life.

Sure, people will get all high and mighty and say that the villain has no right to take a life, but neither does the hero.  It makes them no better than the villain.  Then let me ask you a question.  Did you weep for the Anti-Monitor?  Did you ask why there wasn’t a funeral procession for Doomsday?  If there aren’t jails strong enough to hold the villain is that cause enough?  You might respond that they always come up with a jail or dimension that can hold a villain.  Not so.

Let’s look at Arkham, shall we?  Talk about a prison that can’t seem to hold a criminal.

If Killer Croc gets out once a week and kills 5 people is that enough to put him to death?  How about 10 a week?  20 a week?  What if it’s only once a week but it’s always one of your family members?  

If that doesn’t convince you can we come up with a term (that may already be a term) Killing by Proxy?  Here’s the logic:

The Joker Kills People When He Escapes The Jail He Is Put In

Batman Jails the Joker When He Catches Him For Killing People

The Joker Always Escapes The Jails He Is Put In

Batman Knows the Joker Always Escapes The Jails He Is Put In

Therefore, Every Person the Joker Kills Is Also Killed By Batman By Proxy

My Argument:  If you know the killer is going to get out regardless of what you do are you not, in fact, partly responsible for those deaths?  Aren’t you already taking a life whether you have the right to or not?  Let’s try this another way.  Let’s call a jail cell a house and a cell door a front door.  Let’s also call locking the cell door locking the front door.  If I lock you in the house knowing full well that you will eventually unlock it and get out aren’t I partly responsible for you being out?  I knew the house wouldn’t hold you but I expected you not to get out.  One could argue that the person being locked in should be responsible for their actions, but if they were responsible I wouldn’t have to lock them in.  In this case Batman is taking a life...by proxy.  What gives him the right?

As for the argument of one death to save a million it seems relatively simple.  Phoenix gave her life to save a universe.  What’s the difference between giving her life to save millions versus taking her life to save millions?  The argument is that no one has a right to take a life.  If you didn’t take one to save millions, didn’t you kill millions by not doing it?  If there is something called a lie by ommission shouldn’t there be a death by absentia?

The next argument is one I can NEVER understand.  Putting a criminal to death is not a deterrent. 

Here is what I found in the way of a definition for deterrent:

Deterrent

- a thing that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.

Putting a criminal to death would, in fact, deter them from ever doing it again.  The argument that someone won’t kill another person because of a fear of being put to death is an unstable one at best and not an argument for this blog.  But killing a criminal is certainly a deterrent from them ever doing it again.

My Argument:  This is a no-brainer.  If you know the Joker is guilty and will kill again, then killing him would be a deterrent.

THE STUNNING CONCLUSION!  GASP!

It’s the age old argument...without good there is no bad.  Kill off all the bad and there is no need for the good guys.  I have even heard the reason some believe in the devil is that because there is a God there has to be a devil.  A bad to balance the good.  The heroes NEED the villains, it’s the reason they are heroes.  It’s said best in Injustice:  Gods Among Us.

Translated:  You’re angry at me taking away the reason for you to be Batman.

There is even the argument, and I buy into this whole-heartedly, that although a moral compass guides the hero it can’t be the reason that villains do the crimes.  The occasional villain death is what makes all of these stories so human.  Good people fear the bad and the bad need to sometimes fear the good.

In the end, comics allow us to live out fantasies, be heroes ourselves, and allow us to challenge the views of the populace.

Should the Batman kill the Joker?  He can’t, it’s as simple as that.  Batman can’t be a hero without a villain to catch, the Joker isn’t the Joker without a Batman to challenge.  Let’s face it, if every villain was killed off the writers would run out of ideas for new ones.

Keep debating it, everyone, it’s not only fun but it’s healthy.  Our opinions are what make us who we are.

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